Opening up the dialogue on porn.

porn-sex-and-women

written by INNY TAYLOR

It’s 2014 and we’re progressive, we’re open and we are risk takers. (I had a peanut butter garnished cheeseburger recently, pretty  risky.) We’re crazy, but okay with it, because today being “crazy” means you’re quite cool. We’re so modern day and sex is no big deal — right? Well let’s debunk that theory for a minute and agree that just because we see the reality of Beyoncé’s live nipple mishaps on somewhat of a regular basis, as well as the fact that Lena Dunham parades around in her birthday suit and gets banged in less than yummy, but realistic-looking ways on GIRLS (kudos to team Bey and Hannah Horvath), doesn’t mean we’ve (women) yet to fully discussed, confronted or felt comfortable with sex and openly enjoying it, whichever and whatever way we like it. What about porn? Why are girls still so hush hush on admitting to watching and liking porn? I’ve got my assumptions, but I wanted to ask my girls.

(After a few glasses of wine at my friend’s store):

Porn to me is like, okay, yeah I’ve watched it and it can definitely be fun, but you know why I don’t advertise it? Because no matter how you angle it — even with female porn stars saying it can be empowering, and maybe on some levels, in some genres, I agree — there’s still a pretty damning level of inequality in porn. I mean, in most heterosexual porn it’s like the girl is doing everything she can to get the guy off. (Ladies, we always over do it, overcompensate and out-do ourselves.What can we say: we’re just naturally made really talented.) There’s no real trying going on to please the girl in most pornos — and don’t let the awesome sound effects of fake moaning and human animal-like roaring make you think there is. Of course, the end is always the best part because Mr. Male Porn Star gets to empty his good time party favors all over the misses. I can see how sometimes people want to feel this way and it turns them on, but do you ever wonder why you want to feel that way? Maybe because that’s how you think you’re supposed to feel when it comes to sex… Because it’s what you’ve seen and see when you watch adult films. Let me tell you though, in all of my sexual experiences, low self-esteem and simulated re-enactments of porn (which is already a simulation) have always fared somewhere towards the bottom of my totem poll. It’s really dumb you have to think of a hierarchy when it comes to your sexy time, but today I think that’s why it’s still not something a majority of women feel like admitting being into, especially today, in the age of supernaturally strong women, and while we’re still out there equalizing the playing field in the battle of the sexes. So personally, I think filmed sex that you find floating around the internet (do they still sell porn on VHS and DVDs in film shops? do film shops even exist anymore?) isn’t completely up to par with moral respect. I’ll just keep saying, “What do I think about porn? Eh it’s okay, I guess. Could be better, way better, if  “he” wasn’t a self-satisfying-whore and “she” wasn’t faking it.”

[Back to me now.] So, I think that opinionated discussion gave me a brain full of thoughts. I found it hard to contain the thoughts that wanted to spill out of me. So many good angles, observations and feminist theory, my head was happily spinning, but I managed to level it for conversation number II.

sex-porn-females-women-dialogue

(On the couch with my roommate while watching mindless TV and eating cinnamon rolls):

I mean I like porn. I don’t know why some people are still weird about it. It’s a natural thing to be stimulated by watching other people in the act. We’re human and it excites us. Of course there’s all of that talk of, “this should change and that should change,” but I mean… It’s porn.

It’s a way to get off, and girls need to get off just as much (maybe even more) than guys.

Everyone always thinks of porn as a “guy thing.” The truth is, it’s totally not. Almost every girl I know has or does watch porn. You know? I mean come on. We’re not always in a sexually amped up relationship, sometimes we’re single, and sometimes we’re not, but we’re somewhere alone and in need of some good loving so we love ourselves — porn helps. There are couples that watch it together as a thing too. It’s fun. We should make certain things less serious and acknowledge what they’re there for, and just keep it at that.

[Back to me, again.] Okay some girls just want to have fun, I can be on that team too. Conversation III brings me giggles of straight girl glee because, um yes please with that girl on girl action.

 (Chatting it up over cigarettes on a stoop with one of my bests):

So I understand that lesbian porn is actually one of the most-watched genres by heterosexual girls. I think that attributes to how it’s all about pleasuring the female body. I think, it also feels more rightfully leveled and erotic for girls. Girl on girl action is ultimately too hot to handle for anyone and everyone — but actually — what I find that heightens it even more for lesbians is that since we already know how amazing the lesbian love act is we want even more fantasy. So recently, what’s been cool I hear, is CGI 3D porn (computer generated). It’s like if heterosexual and lesbian porn isn’t cutting it what could be even more fantastical than CGI 3D? So there’s kind of something for everything and everyone (unless there’s not and you like vacuums or something). The real thing (sex), if done right, is of course the absolute best though. Obviously.

[Back to me.] And with these very interesting female porn dialogues over the past couple of weeks, I felt I had many more ways to approach the topic, and even some new questions… None the less, talking about porn was freeing. I know that growing up (utterly body shy and sensitive, not even willing to look at my own pubic hair, oh poor younger me!) I could barely even mouth the word “sex” until my late teens let alone the word “porn” (Oh hell no). Now, I like to think I’m quite fond of sex. Porn is, in my own opinion, as I put in words to my ex during the infamous post-break-up-sex’s morning after, “What comes in handy when things like our break up happen and I’m still not ready to jump on the next available dick that comes wagging my way.” It’s easy and quick for me, and very safe — all of the above. I’m not an advocate for watching porn and I’m not an advocate for not watching porn but I am an advocate for opening up the platform and taking some of the invisible chains of silence and taboo away so we can talk about it.

(Rachel + Emily’s take):

Gals are way more into porn than you people are saying/thinking of saying. The Huffpost said that 57% of millennials are digging it solo. That’s me. And you.

Watching it with someone your dating can be a super fun twist on things, too. Still, there’s a lot of factors about porn that can make a girl feel weird. The foreplay is totally unrealistic. No ones spending an hour and 45 minutes on it. Okay, body hair used to be an issue in the ’70s, but can’t come into play anymore because there are a thousand places in the city where you can lift those legs up in the air and let some European women sculpt away. Giving blowjobs in porn looks like it’s the best fun you’ve had and the swallowing part etc. etc. the list goes on forever and maybe that’s why we aren’t talking porn when we’re out having drinks with friends? I really can’t figure it out. But girls love seduction, and crazy good sex. They also love that you can masturbate and make that happen in a room by yourself. The best porn can be found on Literotica, if you’re a reading type of chic (as my friend was when her roomates opened her computer and that was the last site she was on). *Hint James Deen.

 

x So let’s start the convo, girls. Let us know what you think. x

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