There are only two reasons I watched the MTV Movie Awards last night.

  1. Shameless, The Walking Dead and Kourtney and Kim Take Miami (my favorite Sunday night shows) have irritatingly come to an end for the season.
  2. As a fellow Australian, I felt compelled to at least catch a glimpse of Rebel Wilson hosting the event.

Needless to say, I was strongly disappointed with both of these situations.

I guess my sudden interest in Rebel comes from a recent event where a group of girls undoubtedly compared me to her. “Excuse me, I’m sorry, you probably get this ALLLLL the time… But you remind us so much of Rebel Wilson.” Hmmmm, thanks? If my reaction to such a comment wasn’t written all over my face in that moment, then after seeing last night’s show I want to hunt that group of girls down and decapitate them with a samurai sword. Yes, I find that comment greatly offensive. Despite the Australian accent, the tendency to use an occasional swear word and the mop of blonde hair, we share limited other resemblances.

For those of you who had better ways to spend your Sunday (mind you, washing your hair, alphabetizing your CD collection, whacking snakes on The Simpsons Tapped Out, all constitute as better alternatives) here is a little recap… James Franco is sent to Outback Australia (the land of Oz.) to inform Rebel she had been selected to host the fan based award show. There’s your typical Kangaroo hopping in the background (no, we don’t ride them to work you naive twat) and Wilson is depicted in a pink tracksuit with Koala embroidery. She has a large cushion with Channing Tatum’s face and butt sewed on it —  “I use that to masturbate” and after being blasted from Australia to Los Angeles in an “Iron Mangina” she lands on stage only to open with “I think I landed on my vadge.”



Really? You’re going to play the bogan Australian card? (Bogan: Adj. the Australian version of a red neck). You’re going to resort to “vadge” humor and STD jokes? As an Australian expat, I battle with these stereotypes everyday. I must have a pet kangaroo which I use like a car (yes, I have really been asked about this on numerous occasions), I must say c*nt all the time, I must be a racist and now, I guess, you probably all think I’m obsessed with talking about my vagina.


Thank you, Rebel Wilson, for pushing Australia back in our attempt for globalization. As a mascot you’re about on the same level as Corey “Best Party Ever” Worthington.

(Ughm. Yeah.)

And when you accepted your award for breakout artist and requested an “Australian kiss” from Zac Efron, “Like a French Kiss but down-under,” although it was humorous to watch Efron, apparently inaudible to her request, mistakenly agree, it brought something to my attention – it’s OK for fat people (her self-proclamation, not mine) to be sluts. Like, say, Kim Kardashian… oh wait, she’s pregnant. And it can actually be funny.



Wilson: “If you’re wondering why I was only nominated for three awards tonight, it was because I didn’t swallow.”

Jonah Hill’s congratulatory speech for the slender Emma Watson, who won the Trailblazer award, which referenced how excited he was to be starring in 50 Shades of Gray with her (a joke), was met with little more than a cough. So basically it only solidifies this point. If stickly Emma Watson had said “how limited was my pubic hair back in the first Harry Potter (rather than how bad was my hair) she would have been booed off stage. If Karlie Kloss had at all referenced her “intestinal worm,” I doubt Snoop Lion would have been as accepting of her flirtatious rubbings on his fur coat.

I just think, a comedic actor with great movies like Bridesmaids and Pitch Perfect under her belt could come up with something a little more creative. Maybe the mainstream MTV audience isn’t ready for edgy, (see earlier comment about hairwashing being a more fulfilling past time than watching an award show) and maybe the world isn’t ready for female comedians who have anything more to talk about than periods and babies.

But hey, it got me talking didn’t it. And that’s what a good host should do. I guess.

P.S. In post-rant research I found that it was Rebel’s “double nip slip” that caused the most controversy (I was obviously channel surfing or dozed off during this segment). To me, that’s actually the funniest bit. I guess I just don’t get it.



PPS. Big props to Taylor Lautner, who during his acceptance speech for “Shirtless Actor” congratulated other shirtless actors such as Mathew McConaughey and Lena Dunham (see last weeks column). — Romy Erdos