EFF YOU VALENTINE’S DAY FOR GIRLS. There’s a new asshole day in town and it has a hashtag Steak and Blow Job Day: #STEAKANDBJDAY.

steak and blow job day underwear

 “No cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town; the name explains it all: just a steak and a blowjob. Yup! That’s it.”

Last week was International Women’s Day, and I didn’t receive anything close to a steak or a blow job. (Actually, I didn’t get anything.) But from the girls who I know that did get things, I didn’t hear a peep about filet mignon or cunnilingus being on the menu. Now it’s “International Men’s Valentine’s Day” or “Steak and Blowjob Day” and I — as a woman — am expected to gift my significant other with both those things for putting in all their precious time and effort to get me a box of chocolates and some roses on Valentine’s Day. Well guess what? FUCK. THAT. Now don’t get me wrong —  If I HAD a significant other, I would have no problem performing filet-io. (See what I did there?) What I’m saying is, how come no one asked me if I want a steak and a blow job? Why am I expected to want chocolates, and teddy bears, and other sweet, sparkly, and cuddly things? I usually get myself something sweet and something pretty on a daily basis: flowers for my apartment, some candy because I tell myself I’ll burn it off during SoulCycle — these things are usually daily occurrences. You know what I DON’T get very often? A day dedicated to me eating a great cut of juicy steak and getting head. Maybe, even at the same time.

Here is their motto. Be sure to not gag. “Rumps and Romps. Filets and Fellatio. Sirloins and Sucking.” Oh, and if you need any tips, there are videos demonstrating the different ways your can perform BJs. The Corkscrew, The Hummer, The Scarf and The Ice-Cube technique, which I happily screenshoted for you below. There is a dildo sitting on a glass table with a girl that looks like she is going to Harvard for the day. Enjoy.

the ice cube technique for blow jobs

  Oh! And merch here in case you want to promote on your phone.

[featured image photographed by Tyler Shields]

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