Heed, all ye senders of dick pics.


written by MARY GRYGIEL

Should you sext? Do you sext? When is it appropriate to start sexting? Do you think the NSA enjoys your sexts? Say sext again. Sext. As a generation of a-hole millennials, we’re the digital trailblazers of a cyber frontier. The self-incriminating content we love to share, post, like, etc. will most likely bite us in the proverbial ass when we eventually procreate and introduce a new generation of internet-savvy (or not-so-savvy) sexting a-holes. So why not use our favorite connected devices to cast tastefully dirty love notes in the direction of our special someones? Oh, what the hell. Right?


Sext is not a dirty word. Provided, of course, the sexter in question is a well adjusted, mature individual engaging in a consensual act with the sextee. If there’s still a “-teen” at the end of your age, your brain is still silly putty so please abstain from participating in any and all lewd conversations subject to interception by unwanted eyes. You’re risking total humiliation by way of a time stamped document. What happens on the Internet stays on the internet — and that’s a really scary thing. If you fall within the pre-teen umbrella, a.) You shouldn’t be reading this and b.) I really don’t understand what you’re doing with a smartphone. Us “greater than” millennials had to wait until a ripe old age (16, in my case) to get our hands on a Verizon flip phone on which selfies were pixelated, at best, and achieved only via an awkward, skillfully-aimed contortion of the wrist.


If you meet the aforementioned qualifications and wish to titillate your significant or insignificant (read: casual) other via text, e-mail, or some form of private social messaging, congratulations! You have balls. Maybe even literally.

Long before sexting was a thing, humans were doing the dirty in public spaces and putting quill to parchment to convey heated emotions. If well executed, maybe digital fornication isn’t such a bad idea. I’m willing to bet relationship experts love sexting; it’s the ultimate foreplay. Just don’t get caught. Or do. Let us direct our attention back to Weinergate 2012, and the return of ‘Carlos Danger’ two years later. Fall down seven times, stand up eight.

At the end of the day you have to do you (pun?), but a little strategic decision-making assistance never hurt anybody. When you find yourself at a crossroads, fingers hovering timidly over the “Send” button, I strongly urge you to consider the following flowchart: