An op-ed about losing friends in your 20s laced with quotes about being in your 20’s by famous people. Sometimes we love a good cliche and being super corny.

friends-in-your-twenties

“Enjoy yourself. That’s what your 20’s are for. Your 30’s are to learn the lessons. Your 40’s are to pay for the drinks.” — Carrie Bradshaw

written by MEGHAN FARNSWORTH

At the age of 24, I shouldn’t really have friend problems. I mean, many people consider your twenties to be those I’m-sleeping-on-your-couch, stealing-your-weed, one-night-stand kind of days, where you seem disconnected from reality. But I’ve always felt, or I like to think that I always feel, personally connected to the people in which I spent those reckless college-y nights with. After all, while we were sipping Happy Hour cocktails, we were also talking about stupid ass boys, family fuck ups — drinks are an excuse for a fun time but also pseudo therapy sessions. (Outside of the alcohol, I even saved one of these friends from making a complete ass of herself.) But with two years down the road of post-graduation, I haven’t spoken a word to these people except for random choppy bits of dialogue over Twitter or Instagram, which forced to me to think the worst, “Was I the one who fucked things up?” Should I assume the worst, or am I just over-thinking everything? Is it me, or is it them?! *cue my moment of Existential angst…

All things considered, serendipity struck me one day. It struck me, as many things do in today’s world, in the form of a Facebook status. One of my “friends” — ironically so — posted a little article titled, “Seven Reasons Why You Lose So Many Friends in Your 20s.” (Have you seen our article about why lists suck?! Well this one was at least short.) Anyways, it got me back to thinking about my college days and those friends that I’m not so close with anymore.

“Start your twenties with a lot of friends and leave with a few good ones. What happened? People faded away into their careers and relationships. Fights were had and never resolved. Shit happens.” — Ryan O’ Connell

As I skimmed through the article, the segments that struck me the most were: “People change,” “People move, ” “They were TOXIC MOTHERFUCKERS.” Upon reading the list of proposed reasons why, thoughts obviously began piling up in my mind… For the longest time, I always assumed that the main reason why these people never really contacted me (even while I was trying to reach them) was due to the fact that there was something wrong with me, like I lacked the appropriate social skills or something. (Hell, sometimes I think of the world as high school *ahem lame.) But there was something else happening I wasn’t completely aware of, that my world and their worlds were both changing rapidly and it seems like we will never get off that train and be back where we were just a couple years ago — a couple of girls drinking cheap Bacardi O and talking about things that essentially aren’t a blip in my mind these days. So while I was slowly siphoning out the college environment I once knew, I was beginning to develop me. There were no more irrelevant random convo’s about how cool this or that person is, who so-and-so wants to get with and why and how a Greyhound is the best drink ever. Instead, I was developing a world full of new friends, acquaintances and jobs so removed from my past, which have all helped me better define who I am and who I feel more comfortable being. In other words, and to quote a cliche, I became more comfortable in my own skin, especially with that extra ounce of maturity known as perspective.

I’m not saying that the friends I once had were “toxic” because they were awful people. I still love them and wish them the best. However, I believe that the remoteness we feel as time, age and location begin to change from the past we once knew so well, is in the end a healthy thing. In a way, we can take this time of change to search within ourselves and gravitate towards new ideas and interests, which we never found so important before. And as we explore these unfamiliar ideas and interests — whether it’s through a different set of friends, a new job or internship — we can more fully realize our truest selves because — and I quote from the aforementioned article — “You cut the fat. You bid farewell to those people who no longer fit… You both just grew into different people.”

So post my cray cray moment of existential angst, I realized that I didn’t have “friend problems.” Instead, I found my perspective on the entire situation to be just so wrong because, our growing apart was neither me or them but really just the process of change and life’s unpredictability.

TYPES OF FRIENDS YOU HAVE IN YOUR 20’s:

1.) THAT GIRL WHO WANTS TO CONSTANTLY GO TO THE CLUB

She texts you while you’re in the middle of something incredibly important. It’s a weeknight, and she’s ready to take on the town. She annoys the fuck out of you. Somehow, whenever you two talk, it’s so distanced from reality. Your main points of interest are: how to make a guy jealous and the last time you were wasted.

2.) YOUR BOYFRIEND’S (AND POSSIBLY SOON-TO-BE-EX’S) PEEPS

These people hate love you because you have such a close connection with their life-long friend. However, you walk a tight-line between sincerity and lies because you’re only there to make your man happy. After all, you just want to be considered cool in front of these faux-friends even though you may never ever see them again in your life.

3.) FRIENDS WHO USE YOU AS A PUNCHING BAG

When you initially meet these people, you cannot stop talking to them because you share so many experiences and interests. But over time, they become poison as the conversation starts to become one-sided, and you are doomed to what seems like a life of complaints and negativity. All you want to say to these people are, “Shut the fuck up. Don’t you think I have problems too?”

4.) THAT GUY WHO WANTS TO GET WITH YOU

You’re at a new job, and all of the girls are super snotty and stupid. But you meet a dude who seems cool and doesn’t give two shits about anything. He’s not your type at all, and you’re so not interested. But why is he so nice to you? Aw fuck, he’s into you.

5.) THAT GIRL WHO’S JELLY OF YOU

You guys seem to get along so well… At first. But then she starts dressing like you, saying your signature phrases, listening to the same tunes as you and going after the same guys. You could take it as a compliment, but instead, you just get really pissed off.

[featured image illustration credited to our favorite Langley Fox . Other image via tumblr, if these images belong to you, please let us know because you’re awesome, and we’d like to provide proper credits/remove image(s) upon request.]

Comments

comments